Thursday, April 08, 2010

Mummy's entry - "I hate you!"

There’s always first for everything and I have wondered before whether my kids will ever say those three words to me. I have seen on TV and in real life where kids do say these to their parents and I do find them offending. I cannot recall if I have ever said this to my parents before which I guess means that I didn’t as well as I would remember things like this (of course, if I did say these three words to them before I hit my teens, I seriously would not remember).

Rye Li just said “I hate you!” to me just now. When she said it, I was taken aback and immediately I asked her to repeat what she has just said and I could see in her eyes that she knew she was in the wrong and she kept quiet. I forced her to repeat and eventually she said “I forget (forgot) already

I’m guessing she learnt this from TV as we never say such things to each other at home. So what actually caused her to say such things?

Well, lately, she has been very rebellious. For some time now, she loves answering me back and at times, she will also be physical with me but she will only lightly beat me or throw soft punches at me or show monkey faces at me especially by showing her tongue at me. She never uses her force on me as she is aware of the consequences after that. Although she is also aware of the consequences that she will face for answering me back or showing her faces at me, this girl loves testing my patience (in hubby’s words, she just loves bullying me). I guess she’s smart in that my punishment for her would be me yelling and threatening her. I have started beating her too sometime last year, usually, hard slaps on her thighs or arms or hands. I could see the shock in her eyes when the first time I really gave her that hard whack, nothing to be proud of but I wanted her to know that I mean business when I’m scolding her.

Before that time, I was never a believer in beating my kids although I was brought up with a cane. It was only when words were not working to discipline her that I bought a cane so that I can use it to threaten her. And then I realized by threatening her with it will not work eventually and I used it twice on her before but they were not hard caning. I don’t have the heart to use it on her really. And she is really scared of the cane. So now, I have been using the cane as a threat a lot, so much so that even Haye Li is terrified of it as she has seen numerous times of Rye Li getting really scared. I don’t even have to use it on them to show them that it hurts as I usually will hit the wall or door very hard just to have that loud whipping sound to scare them off.

Anyhow, back to the story. There were many events leading to the girl not being happy and also me having to scold and nag her. So she was already super duper cranky and black faced when she found out I’m only giving her 4oz of milk to drink before her bedtime [I’ve reduced her milk and water intake at nights due to her still peeing on her bed, being diaper-less]. So when the bottle of milk was given to her, she said “I don’t want to drink milk, only 4oz!” and I was in no mood negotiating with her and replied “It’s okay, don’t drink it then!”. She’s also aware that I was in a foul mood and that was when she went “I hate you!

Now I’m thinking, whether this toddler of 4 years and 4 months actually is aware of these three words or not. She sure knows how to use it to its proper context for a first timer though. I chose to believe that she doesn’t know exactly what it means and that she’s only influenced heavily by TV (and perhaps I need to relook into what kind of shows she watches).

And also, perhaps, I should look into anger management for myself? I do not like the shouting and nagging part of me, so much so that I’ve become and now termed as a MOMSTER. And I notice the MOMSTER appears when I’m extra tired, stressed and especially when hubby is away on business travels.

I’m sorry Rye Li for always nagging and shouting at you. Mummy doesn’t know how to reverse the impression you have on me that you’ve become smarter in knowing how to irritate mummy more. How-la girl? You also have to help mummy to be a better mummy by not provoking me. Gosh, I’m speaking to you as if you’re a teenager already….LOL. Ok, I hope when you ever get to read this, you are a teenager and that you need to know you also need to do your part and teach me how to be a better mummy ok?! ;) But remember this girl and I know you do, that no matter how angry or mad I am at you, I will always love you!


Health Freak Mommy said...

You're not the only momster. I am a bigger momster than you are! We all go thru those momster moments but no matter what, I believe that our kids still love us. We just have to reassure them that we still love them when they are sober. I kids stopped drinking milk when they were about 4yo. Now, my 2 older kids drink milk only once a day, i.e. in the morning.

KittyCat said...

I hear you about the Momster part! Been trying really, really hard not to yell at the boy either.

In my case, I ask him to leave the room, which I feel is sometimes worse than a spanking because it's a mother's rejection.

In other words, I've got no answers either!

His kindy principal is a really nice lady and she understands the situation I'm in. She tells me to explain to him each time I need to 'punish' him and follow up with a hug and a kiss.

Been trying to scold him less and praising him to the skies for anything good he does now e.g. keeping all his cards into the box, being quiet in church, drinking a lot of water etc ;-)

Hope to catch up with you soon!

Mummy to QiQi said...

i don think she mean it. like qiqi, she also asked me, why i give birth to her if i do not love her..sigh...just part of growing up, and even they think they hate us, they still cant live without a mother :p

A Mom's Diary said...

It must have hurt at that moment but as you said, she may not fully understand what that means. Whatever it is, I'm sure Rye-Li still craves for your love and attention.

Shireen Loh said...

hey Syn, you're not alone. your kid will love you no matter what because of all the love you give and the sacrifices you make. Take care!!