Ah Mai's visit

I’ve been hearing for weeks now that Ah Mai (Papa’s sister) is coming to visit from LA. And so will Ah Por (Papa’s Mummy), Ah Kong (Papa’s papa) and Peh Deh (Papa’s brother) too. It seems that Ah Mai comes back to Malaysia now and then. The last time was when I was still in Mummy’s tummy, I think when I was 5 months plus growing. So this visit is mainly to see me and also to do her passport.

Weeks before Ah Mai came back, I’ve been told that she got me a lot of clothes and when she arrived here, oh boy, were there heaps of stuff! The clothes she got me are really cool and I got some dresses too. I was laughed at when I wore the dresses type. Mummy kept saying that I look like a boy in a dress – how rude! Papa said he’s not used to seeing me with a skirt. I had enough of hearing how botak (bald) I am now….I cannot help it if my hair keeps dropping off.

Ah Mai, Peh Deh, Ah Por and Ah Kong all went back to Penang after spending several days at our place. After that, Ah Mai came back again to spend the remaining days with us before she leaves for LA again. One of the nights, she had to take care of me by herself as Mummy and Papa got a wedding dinner to attend. Mummy kept reminding me to be good to Ah Mai before she left the house…wonder what she means by that coz as far as I’m concerned, I’m always good.

Later, Ah Mai reported that I was ok overall except towards the end where she thinks I was irate from the stuffiness outside the hall so she brought me in to the room with the air-cond switched on. But I wanted to be held so when Mummy and Papa came back home that night, they found us in the room with me in Ah Mai’s arm sleeping. She said that when she puts me down in the cot, I will wake up demanding to be carried. So it seems that I bullied Ah Mai.

I was taken up to Fraser’s Hill with both Mummy and Papa and Ah Mai for a day trip. I didn’t get to go to Aunty Ng’s that day. But too bad that I was sleeping all the way there; much to Mummy’s delight. I slept for quite a long time that by the time I woke up, I was demanding for my milk, very loudly too at Smokehouse. I disturbed their fun of having tea and scones there. It was a good thing that it was only us then… my screams seem to be extra loud in the serene ambience.

After that, I was brought to the waterfalls by foot, well, in this case, in Papa’s foot. He was carrying me in the carrier. Not even halfway of the journey to the waterfalls, I fell asleep positioned standing up, inside the carrier of course. So I didn’t get to see much but I heard the water stream, waterfalls and the sounds of the jungle. And not forgetting the laughs and voices of Mummy, Papa and Ah Mai. I believed I was being laughed at again.

The journey back home was kinda opposite from the journey there. Going down from Fraser’s, I became restless and demanded to be carried. Mummy eventually gave in and took me out from my car seat and she nursed me to keep me quiet. It worked coz I was very contented after that and was left to sleep again in the car seat.

Ah Mai was always there to pick me up with Papa from Aunty Ng’s for the remaining days she’s around and what fun that was coz I got to be entertained in the car ride home. Usually, it’s just me alone facing a beige ‘wall’ and I get to see some colourful animals being hung above me. Now and then papa talks to me but it gets boring so I fall asleep. But when Ah Mai was around, she talks to me and I talk back. I’m trying to tell her how happy I am that I get to see her instead of the ‘wall’.

Ah Mai has left already…how fast she came and went. I hear that I may go and visit her at her home over there one day and that I will get to see Uncle Jason too. He’s the one that bought me my music-gym toy way before I came out. I hear that not only is he very big, he’s also white! Hmmm, how white can one be?!

Sick again

Mummy and Papa had a scare when I fell sick once again. It was the first week for Mummy back at work. Papa picked me up at the nursery that Monday evening. Once we got home, he realized that I was pretty warm and he took my temperature. It was 38 degrees and he called Mummy who wasn’t back from work yet. He told Mummy that he’s going to take me to the hospital, at this time I was crying from the discomfort I was in. I was feeling hot all over. Mummy managed to convince him to wait for her to get home first.

While waiting for Mummy, Papa got a wet towel to put on my forehead. And he fed me too. He held me all the way till Mummy came home. Once mummy came home, they got ready to take me to go see the doctor. We went to another doc this time coz my doc was not working that night. It took us a fair bit to get to this doc coz Papa wasn’t too sure where the clinic was. I was tightly snuggled up in the sling around Mummy then. Mummy who took pity on me felt that I should not be sitting in the car seat and instead, wrapped me in the sling on her. By the way, this sling was just bought over the weekend so that Mummy can have her 2 hands free to do whatever she wants when she carries me. I’ve been difficult to her lately it seems. What is wrong with me wanting to be held all the time? I thought all babies should need some TLCs as and when he or she pleases, no?!

Ok, back to this new doc. It’s the usual routine being weighed and measured. Much to Mummy’s and Papa’s delight, I have now officially doubled my birth weight. I now weigh 4.6kgs which is equivalent to 10.12 pounds. But of course their main concern was my fever and how is it affecting me. My turn came to see the doc and he checked me physically. He said other than the high fever I had (which hit to 39 degrees by then), I looked physically alright. He said to give me fever medication every 4-6 hours and to go see my doc the next day. Mummy asked whether will the fever go away and he said usually it doesn’t in babies. It will go up and down for a few days. Mummy doesn’t want another horrible time at the hospital for us again.

I think she prayed very hard coz my temperature went back to normal overnight with the fever medication. Mummy diligently got up through the night and made sure I had the medication. She took leave from work to look after me that day and she told Papa that she will take me to see my doc if my fever returns but it didn’t. So the next day, I was back to the nursery and Mummy back to work. That evening, Mummy picked me up from the nursery as Papa had to work late that day. I wasn’t being my usual self and that got Mummy worried. On the way home, I was crying over little matters. I was really tired and was falling asleep but anything that wakes me, I start to cry over again. I was just feeling uncomfortable and was voicing it out.

Once at home, Mummy took my temperature and I had a mild fever of 37.5 degrees. So I got a dose of medication every 4-6 hours again. And also this time round, my eyes were reddish-pinkish and puffy. Mummy said that if it doesn’t go away the next day, she will take me in to see my doc. My fever went away but not my puffy eyes so Mummy took leave again the next day and took me to see my doc. The doc that jabbed me real hard the last time! Again like the other doc, he checked me physically and said that there’s nothing wrong with me physically. He said that the puffy eyes are a reaction from my fever and it will go away. He told Mummy not to give me fever medication unless my temperature is 38 degrees and above. He said that my fever could be from some viral infection but Mummy thinks it could be from the nursery. He also told Mummy to make sure that I get a lot of rest too.

That afternoon, we went to Aiyee’s (Mummy’s sister) house and I was looked after by Kakak (Aiyee’s maid) and Grandma while Mummy got her rest at Grandma’s who lives on the floor below Aiyee’s unit. Poor Mummy, from the worries and lack of sleep, she too fell sick.

Mummy decided for me to be taken care by Kakak the next day too while she goes back to work. She told Aunty Ng that she will send me back to the nursery the following Monday. I had fun at Aiyee’s. I got to be with Ro Wyn cher cher (big sister in chinese) and Jo Tien ko ko (big brother in chinese). Some more Grandma was there too and she carries me all the time. What fun I had but my eyes were still pinkish. Mummy said it looks as if I’ve been punched in the eyes. Mummy came quite late to pick me up that day but it was ok. I had fun with Aiyee and my cousins. Once Aiyee got home from work, I couldn’t stop talking to her and also to Kakak. I’ve been termed a chi cha por (talkative one)…I must take after Mummy since I hear her talk more than Papa.

First Smile

How can I not forget my first actual smile coz mummy, being the sour grapes, went on and on about it. You see, she wasn’t too happy that I gave my first smile to papa. She kept telling people how she always sings to me, talks to me, and of course looks after me more than papa and yet, I seem to response more to papa than her. She doesn’t understand that what I have lacking, I would want it more, just like any other human being. And in this case, I don’t get to be with papa as often as I am with mummy, so it will make more sense that I will react more to papa.

It happened like this… during my 9th week, Mummy was feeding me her expressed milk through the bottle in the living room. Papa just came back from Penang and walked through the front door. Once he entered, he called out “Baby” and I half smiled. Mummy, upon seeing this then asked Papa to say that again. And when he did, I fully smiled. Mummy yelled out “She smiled!”. Papa came to me and talked to me and this time I kept smiling. Mummy, again the sour grapes, just passed me to Papa and said “Nah, you feed her since she’s so happy to see you”.

She left us and Papa just talked to me. I responded with some sounds which made mummy even more upset. Papa was so thrilled that he said he wants to tell the whole world which for him, his world at that time was just to Uncle Adrian. He went on how it made his day to come home to see me smiling like this. He’s been stressed with work lately so to him, coming home to me is like forgetting all his worries. Sigh, poor Papa. Is it that stressful working?!!

Ever since my first smile, I only responded to Papa for the next few days. After that, it was to everyone. But mummy kept on telling people that the reason I responded to Papa was that I’m mostly exposed to women and children whose voices are higher pitch. So when Papa, who got a lower pitch, talks to me, it will definitely arouse a response from me. Sour grapes!

2nd month

After my first month, I was fully taken care by mummy as she doesn’t need to go back to work yet. Few days before Ah Por and Ah Kong left, mummy started taking over in bathing me. This bathing business, I still don’t understand it…it’s nice to feel warm all over again, kinda reminds me of my old home except that I feel too ‘lose’ here and not snuggly at all. In fact, it’s so lose that it terrifies me! Moreover, it’s only part of me that feels it, the other feels cold. At times, I had to voice out my discomfort…most of the time, I’m too shocked to voice out anything, I only feel like grabbing on to whatever I can get my hands on and if I cannot after many attempts, I will scream! One time, mummy responded “Don’t worry girl, I will not drown you…I went through so much just to have you so why would I want to drown you now?!”

My time with mummy alone was ok during the day time coz I slept most of the time. But at nights, I had such pain in my tummy that I cannot help but voice it out. Papa was not around most of the time as he had to work so poor mummy was all alone in comforting me which helped a little but it was still painful. I think I made mummy mad coz there were a few times she just left me at my cot to cry on my own. Boy, was it bad and I just had to cry more. But she will in the end still come and comfort me till I fall asleep from all that crying.

Mummy likes to sing to me…she will sing all sorts of nursery rhymes. In fact, she even bought some books for me with nursery rhymes. She will show me these books once in a while and she also flashes some cards at me. I cant really tell what they are but the colours are really fascinating. Mummy will flash them and say stuff and makes some funny sounds at times. I will stare at mummy when she does these things but at times, I find myself looking at other stuff coz it gets a bit boring looking at mummy.

Papa is really funny…he’s big! Bigger than what I expected. According to mummy, he has been a real big help too since I came out to this world. She’s so glad that papa was always there for us. Once mummy started expressing her milk to the bottle, papa has taken over some of the feedings. Papa doesn’t talk as much as mummy but he still talks to me, only in Chinese. He still calls me “Baby” just like before except that it’s much clearer now. He carries me a lot and mummy will tell him off for that. But I like it when papa carries me!

I went back to see the doctor again when I was about 6 weeks old to get a jab, well I didn’t know I was about to get one then. I was stripped and checked thoroughly by the doc before the jab which I was initially ok with. Then he asked mummy to hold down my right leg… it took me several seconds to realize what he was doing and then I felt a sharp pain. I screamed in pain and felt my eyes all wet. Immediately, the doc picked me up and passed me to mummy to be soothed but it took me a while to forget that sharp pain. What a mean doc this one. I heard that I will need to see him again in 2 months time. He better not jab that thingy in my leg again!

Mummy started sending me to Aunty Ng’s a few weeks before she went back to work. I quite like it there. There are a lot of other children there and the room I am put in has other babies as well. I’m the youngest in there. At first it was all alien to me but I find it quite fascinating. Mummy will send me there early in the mornings and she will pick me up later in the evenings. Mummy said that this will be the routine once she starts work again. I guess I’ll be missing mummy’s office as it has been a while since I’ve heard the dramas and commotion of it. Oh well, there’s so much more to see too at Aunty Ng’s.

1st month

My first month in this world was interesting… I went home with mummy and papa after 2 nites at the hospital. They were excited to bring me home but I cant seem to share their joy as I feel so tired all the time and I just want to sleep. I was put into my own cot once we got back and I hear a lot more of voices other than mummy’s and papa’s.

I was handled more by Ah Por when it came to my cleanliness and boy do I hate it! It makes me so cold all the time and my attempts to tell Por Por that just seems futile and I understand it makes mummy and papa panicky from all my screaming. At nights, it was more of mummy and papa handling me and that also I hate it. It only feels good when I’m in mummy’s arm, all warmed up and it’s time for feeding again.

The first few days at home, mummy was waking me up every 2-3 hours to feed but I’m just too lazy to open my eyes or suck. I only wake up when I’m really hungry and mummy complaints that I drinks too little. Seems that mummy wasn’t getting enough rest from all these (her paranoia again) and she caught the cough from papa who was already sick before I came out. Then I got the cough too just a week old and it made mummy’s heart ache to see me coughing. Well, it doesn’t seem to bother me coz I go back to sleep after I coughed.

I had to go back on the 5th day for a checkup and it seems I had jaundice and needed to be hospitalized under the UV light. Was there for one and a half days and mummy and papa were with me too. I had to be stripped down to my diapers only with this eye mask over my eyes and was put under this bright bluish light. When the doc gave the green light for me to go home, mummy was so relieved coz she was unhappy with the service she got. Doc said that I need to be exposed to the morning sun still to bring down the jaundice level and told mummy not to eat any ginger. Papa got upset when the next few days were cloudy and it was raining too. So the next best solution was to leave me in my cot next to the window in their room. When the sun finally came up after several days, Por Por took me for morning walks. At times I like it, at times I didn’t and I had to voice out my dissatisfaction.

As I was heading towards my 3rd week and the cough doesn’t seem to want to go away, my nose begin to feel more stuffy and it was hard to breathe at times. And then I became really hot one night and it scared both mummy and papa. They were monitoring me that nite and my temperature went up to 38 degrees. The next morning my fever was still high and I was brought to another hospital, one that is closer to home. We waited for quite a bit for our turn and it seems my temp went up to 38.8 then. Finally, I got to see the doc and after checking me, he told mummy and papa that I need to be admitted as I was still too young and too small. So in the hospital once again and this time I had it much worst! They had to insert this needle into my right hand and I was given a few jabs every 6 hours into this needle. It was so painful that I have to scream. Mummy stayed with me again that 2 nights and she was always there when I was in pain. As much as she was trying to comfort me each time, I still cannot understand why I had to be in pain. My fever went down and up in that 2 nights and finally was stable towards the end and the doc said it was ok to go home. The tests that were done on me were all ok, much to mummy’s and papa’s relief.

I was supposed to have a full moon do during Chinese new year (cny) and this was in plan before the nightmare started. But due to me being so sensitive to the germs around me, mummy and papa decided not to do anything other than to give ppl stuff. Besides, the doctor advised them not to expose me too much. Grandpa told mummy to bring me over and hang out at his place on the first day of cny which we did and I was asleep the whole time we were there other than to get up to drink.

Seems I became rich after cny…relatives and friends of mummy’s and papa’s were giving me money! So cool! And I received gold too! Wonder if I ever get to wear them.

Ah Por and Ah Kong left back to Penang on the 4th day of cny. Mummy was grateful to have Ah Por around the whole month although she found Ah Por at times over smothering her. I find Ah Por entertaining…she has the loudest voice I have come across so far. Whenever she takes care of me, she will be talking to me in Chinese of course. She can go on and on and I cant help but just look at her till I fall asleep. And it’s interesting to hear Ah Por’s and Ah Kong’s conversation. I’m not sure if they’re talking normally or fighting… when they left, the house became quiet and it was just me with mummy and papa.

my life journey begins

Mummy doesn’t know if it’s from all that walking she did the day before I came out to this world that made me er…well, came out to this world. All I know is that I was still comfortably warm and snuggly in my own world when I realized the space I was in was getting tighter and tighter. Amidst all the talking (not just mummy’s but others too), screaming and crying (mummy’s…funny though she wasn’t talking anymore by this time), I felt my surroundings were caving in on me and the next thing I knew, I was being forced through a very tight passage into a very cold room.

I was being handled quite roughly and boy was it cold that I heard myself trying to say something but was just a mere cry! I heard someone saying “don’t u want to kiss your baby” and I felt a light touch on my right cheek. After all that handling, I heard a voice saying that I’m 2.5kgs..oh no, not 2.5 but 2.3kgs which later I found out made mummy totally shocked (her weight issues again) as 2.3kgs is just over 5 pounds. Her doctor lied! So it was all mummy’s weight…well the most of the 21kgs she has gained anyway. Poor mummy!

Anyway, when I felt all warm again except for my face…it was interesting to feel my nose breathing in cool air. So different. I was finally carried to mummy and was given some food. Somehow I find myself suckling on mummy and there was a warm feeling towards it especially when the warm liquid from mummy came out. I finally got to see what the outside world looks like but everything seems so blur then. I recognized mummy and papa for sure but there were so many people after that that came and went. I was too tired to focus that I was asleep most of the time only to be rudely waken again in between.

In short, I came out at 9.28am on new year’s eve, 31 December 2005. and now my life in this world begins…